:-(

I don't know where to begin. I woke up today, and asked myself "Why am I still here?"

I'm not having as wonderful a time as I set out to. Certain aspects of this trip are nice, but overall, this is not what I signed up for. I was looking at the Polestar page today and re-read their "Come stay with us" section. The best deal is their apprenticeship program, which I'm on right now. What I saw in that initially was this:

"Come stay with us for super cheap and build all sorts of cool things! We always have ongoing projects and Michael is a contractor, so he builds houses..."

What it really meant is this:

"We are a super spiritual community, and if you want to stay with us, the best deal has you come as a work trade program! Do chores, help out around the place, and earn a keep to practice with us for cheap!"

So, not what I expected. I'm waking up super early, doing just menial chores and heavy lifting, and I don't agree with their practices. In addition, the weather has started to get to me. I fear I will have moldered by the time I return home, which is a this I really don't want to happen.

It's only a week, but I want to go home. I'm not ready for this style of community. It is too spiritual for tastes, even if it was my regular Vipassana meditation, I don't know if I'd be ready for this.

Today, I was sitting in the living room, and I realize that nobody's around. I am quite saddened by this, as it means for a third time this week, they've forgotten to include me in a trip. If I was one of 4 or 5 new interns to come stay, all of them new, I could understand forgetting one now and again. But it's just me here. So I was very distraught. So I walked back to my tent, and called mom.

After a brief talk, her connection cut out and for the next few minutes I just sobbed into my pillow. This has not been a good day.

I'm considering cutting my trip short, to end within the next few weeks. Enough time to see if I really want to stay. If next week is similar to this one, I'm out without a second thought. I feel so alone here, even though the people are nice, we don't have anything in common. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I REALLY don't like it in Hawaii. The place is fine, don't get me wrong, but I can't stand to live here anymore.

I came to Hawaii with an open mind, ready to experience everything I could. What happened is that almost everything I've done here has just grated down my sense of enjoyment, from the ENDLESS rain, to the bug bites EVERWHERE, to the terrible gardening chores, to the wake up time... The list goes on. This island is a great place to have a vacation, not for Harry to do work in.

I don't like being so negative, so I'll end this off here.

I miss home so damn much I'm crying as I write this. And I NEVER cry, if I can help it.

In which our hero gives information on Ponies

My most sincere apologies for not making a post yesterday, I didn't feel too good... Just tired mostly...

So, this'll be a recap of yesterday and today, and a bit more to boot.

Yesterday, I was pulling more weeds (shocker, right? I'm so sick of that already :P), and Michael calls me and says that he's taking me to do a dump run from the house his crew are building. So we drive over there, and then when we get there, I meet some of his crew, but mostly stay out of their way and fill his truck with sheetrock, scrap plywood and garbage bags. Then we take 'em to the local dump, unload them and drive to Pahoa (the closest town). We stop at a deli and I get a Chicken Cordon Bleu.

MEAT. It is so delicious. And everything I've hoped for.

Once we're done at the market, we drive over to Hilo (about 30 minutes away) and Michael stops to get gas, points me towards the closest Walmart (needed a pillow) and then tells me he's going to the local Home Depot, and points that out to me too.

Now, let me preface this with a few points. Firstly: The pillow I had was terrible. No neck support and tiny. I had been stuffing my jacket into the pillowcase just to get more fluff. Also, on an unrelated note, I had been looking for ponies.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of my favorite shows. Laugh all you want, it isn't solely for little girls, and this permutation is different than it predecessors, as depicted in these articles:

• Why My Little Pony Is No Longer a Little Filly's Show
• Why I'm a brony
• PBS special on how MLP:FiM is changing the idea of masculinity
• Growing trend of military bronies, and why
• Comparison of the older ponies to the newer ponies
• Lauren Faust (creator of newer ponies) explains how she made this show to NOT be stupid girly nonsense

This is a really important issue to me, and if you just laugh it off as weird, that makes me sad... Yes mom, you too.

Anyways. On the hunt for ponies. I had been to pretty much every Target, Walgreen's and Walmart in Sonoma county, and in each one I'd go to the toy isle, and look for trading cards or pony figures, just to have... But to no avail. Nowhere I looked had any. Ever.

And when I went to the Walmart, they didn't either. I bought my pillow, and headed toward Home Depot.

As I walk, I pass a Target and decide to just look, with no real hopes. AND THEY HAVE THEM!!! I buy 8 "blind bag ponies" meaning that it is a sealed, opaque bag with a pony figure inside, but you don't know which one...

So I get them, and head over to meet Michael. We get done waiting for paint to get done mixing we drive back to Polestar and set up some stuff for tomorrow's (Saturday's) work.

That's pretty much it for Thursday, and as for today, we went to another community, and helped THEM weed instead, then came home and played volleyball. I had my first starfruit this afternoon too, and I think I'm addicted. Those things are so good.

Well, That's enough for now, I'll try to keep up once a day again...

And if you scoffed at the links I put up without reading the articles... That's all the more reason to read them. Who knows... You might like them!

Realizations

I've had myself a bit of a think.

I've been trying to play this bog like I did my Argentina blog, but I haven't been very happy with it, and I've figured out why.

Nothing really changes here. In Argentina, I had a different adventure every day, going somewhere, doing something, seeing the sights. Here, it's the same, wake at 5:30, breakfast, work at 8, lunch, work, free time, dinner.

So just saying what I do isn't cutting it. I talked to mom today about it (had a super homesick day), and I'm going to start looking inside myself instead of outside... How I'm feeling, thoughts on events, things like that. Of course, when I do something fun I'll tell ya, but lets start tonight.

I was meditating tonight, and I was hit by a huge wave of sadness. Like, gut-wrenching, heart aching sadness. I tried to figure out why, but for the longest time all I could think of was not being in the Nordquist's Junior Dance Club. I miss the dancing every Saturday and Tuesday, I miss the fancy dress, but what I miss most of all is just being there.

Seeing friends of mine who are either still in the club or have recently joined post on facebook about how awesome it is just tears me apart... Not saying that I don't want them to post what they feel, it's just it hits a chord in me...

But that wasn't it. What it was was a supreme sense of homesickness and loneliness. The practice here is VERY Christian. Chants to "the lord" mentioning god, all that.

I hate it. I'm so uncomfortable with it, I can rarely concentrate on just being there, in the moment. It makes me uneasy and alienated, being the only one in the whole community who doesn't agree with it, and it kills me inside. I'm not sure what to do, but it's really hurting...

And that's how I'm feeling...

In which our hero moves rocks and paints stuff.

Yesterday I went to bed and thought, as my shoulder ached, my legs and feet hurt, and my arms burned:

"I don't want to do this anymore." But then I thought to myself "Harry, this is just your first day. You still have so many to go, why bother hating it from the beginning! Tomorrow's a new day." And I went so sleep with a smile.

This morning, I woke at 5, and texted mom for a short time, before, without warning, falling asleep, missing the ENTIRE pre-breakfast routine. I was pissed at myself, but I needed the sleep, so I went to breakfast, and everyone understood... We talked about what to do today and then set out.

More weeding. Today's was easier though, as I knew what I was doing.

After about 2 hours of that, I finish my Camelbak, no mean feat. 2 liters of water, gone.

Once I refill it, I return and everyone who was weeding goes over to the upper field and we all start hunting rocks. The mower will mess itself up if it hits them, so we were hunting for them, armed with pickaxes.

Rocks are heavy. Even if they're just pumice. They're freaking heavy.

Another 2 hours of that, and we think we found most of them, but there are always more...

Lunch time. Home made guacamole with avocados I picked myself!! Best I've ever had, needless to say...

After that, I helped Christye paint some benches, and we had a lovely talk on the essence of religion (she was raised Protestant, I'm atheist, or at least agnostic Jewish). Benches look lovely now, and dried in seconds thanks to the balmy, perfect weather.

Took an nap after that, and then was invited to go with some people to the warm pond. It's a big pool of water, with lava tubes underground, so it's a lovely 90 degrees, so not too hot and not cold by a long shot. Perfect water, crystal clear, and the tide was coming in, so big waves make the edge colder, but still nice.

Came home, and guess what?? I took another nap. I should get more sleep tonight...

Dinner was yummy. I'm not sure what to call it, it was like a curry, but not so much... Tasty either way. I had a great time explaining my meditation history to everyone, and they seemed really into it! This group of people is awesome, and always fun to be around, something which I couldn't be happier about. Lots of camaraderie.

And here I am! All done for the night, on to tomorrow's adventure!

When it rains

Before I talk about my day, I need to say this: I don't usually like rain.

That said, the rain here... well it isn't unpleasant, not by a long shot. but there is one whole hell of a lot of it. I think, just today, it rained about an inch.

In one day. That's a lot of rain. When they said it was on the "wet side" of the island, I didn't take them seriously... Now I'm worried that I'll mold before I get home...

But on to the day...

I awoke at the dignified hour of 5am, but (and thank his holiness the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster for this) my jet lag still had me thinking it was only 8, so it wasn't as hard for me as I expected it to be...

Last night, I set my alarm to go off at 5, 5:15, and 5:30, just so I  could make sure I'd wake up on time.

Wide awake at 5, decide to close my eyes for a sec, just to be in bed a bit longer. What feels like an eternity later, I'm worrying I missed my alarm, so I open my eyes to see what time it is...

5:04. I had put myself into a meditative state, and my though processes had all sped up to ridiculous speeds...

Well, I eventually get out of bed, and make my way over to the lawn and Michael shows me how do to their energizing workout, and the sun comes up.

When that's all over, we go up and have my first meditation. Now, I've had some experience meditating before, but this is a whole new style, with chanting and prayer. Way different from the "30 minutes of silence" that I'm used to. And you know what? I like my silence...

That being said, after the meditation, and breakfast,  we all sat in a circle in the house and planned out what needed to get done, and then we dispersed to get ready for that.

Michael, Joseph and I were starting to move logs from one place to another, when the sky just opened up. Dumping rain for a solid half an hour. So, after 10 minutes, we decide to do something else, and that is weeding around the property.

I get a knife, and I'm shown what to cut. It's this giant weed-grass called canegrass, or something of the like. Stands like 7-8 feet tall, and is EVERYWHERE. We work for like 4 hours, and we cut around everything we set out to do, which is awesome.

I then have lunch. Pretty tasty, homemade pesto on pasta and salad.

After that comes one more hour of work, this time picking avocados. Difficult for me, being colorblind, but I get some help, and everyone has a good time.

Then, once I was done, I took a short nap, as I was more tired than I've been in a long time.

I woke myself up to go to some evening meditations and exercises. They were alright, but some part of it didn't sit well with me inside... Gonna have to look into that more...

Dinner came after that, and then here I am, writing this to you!

It's been one hell of a day, but the kicker is it all happens again tomorrow. We'll wee how this works out ;)

Day 1

Originally, my day was going to be this:

Wake up whenever I feel, lay in bed until noon, then get up and see what's going on, being shy and not really doing much other than read.

However, this was not the case.

I woke up at 9, then headed up to the main house to get something to eat. No sooner had I stepped in the door, I was asked if I wanted to go to the farmers market with some people who live there.

Of course I said yes, and off we went. It wasn't a long ride, and we got there pretty quick. Once there, we began to look around, shop for veggies, and say hello to friends...

I was drawn to the marimba music, and let me tell you, it was amazing. Maybe 6 or 8 people, men and women, kids and adults, were all banging away one marimbas of varying sizes. I was amazed at the range of noise they could create, and get to flow together... Quite something...

I was used mostly as a pack animal that trip, being handed bags of groceries to move back to the car, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I got a chance to explore the market all on my own, and look at all of the interesting things for sale.

When we got back, I asked about any good walks in the area, was pointed on one, donned my hat and Camelbak, and set out for a little 10 minute walk.

Once I returned, I was told a group was going out to either the warm pond (volcano heats up some pools) or to some other tide pools, and  I was asked if I wanted to go.

What do you think I said?

We end up going to the tidepools, so I bring my snorkel and water shoes, but in my haste forget my book... Hindsight is always 20/20, I guess....

Snorkeling is much easier today, as I've got the hang of it, I think. Lots of fish, and colorblind me is amazed at the color of them!! Blues and reds and yellows, oh my!

So, I finish with the swimming, and I lay down to maybe nap... But instead of getting rest, I get a sunburn... Such is life... More sunscreen next time...

We get back, I get some aloe (I asked for some, was directed to the aloe plant and machete), then sit down and have some food, and do a little reading. I start The Giver, and 2 hours later (1 hour spent socializing and talking about space and Argentina) I put it down, finished with it. What a book.

So, there I am, sitting there, when Michael comes over to me, and tells me the plan for tomorrow.

"We're jumping in feet first tomorrow," he says "we begin the day with some yoga at a quarter to 6."

Whaaaa...

So, Even though it's only 9:30 on the nose, I'll be turning in for the night soon.

It's gonna be a looooong day tomorrow...

Whirlwind

Today was the most amazing thing ever.

So far today I've had so much happen, I don't know where to even start!! I'm sitting in a lovely chair as I write this, with the Hawaiian sky glaring me in the face.

I'll start with the beginning. It seems like so long ago...

Enough with the dramatics, you must think, we want action!! And action you will have...

I wake up today at around 7:20, at the behest of dad, who says we really need to go. So I awaken to the best of my abilities, shower on the west coast for the last time, and then we head to the San Francisco Intl. Airport.

Everything goes as expected, I check in, get to gate, get on plane.

The everything changes, on account of the person sitting next to me...

Who was it, Harry?, you ask...

Was it a hot girl who wanted to talk?

Nope, better...

Was it TWO hot girls who wanted to talk?

Even better than that, my friend.

No, could it be upwards of 10 Hot girls who all wanted your attention above all else and then gave you their phone numbers??!?!?

Better still.

Then what??

Nobody. Nobody was next to me, and so I got not only the window seat that I wanted, but ALSO double the usb chargers (iPhone and headphones) AND i got twice the legroom, provided i put my legs out to the side, not a big deal.

Paradise achieved, or so I thought. Only downside was the honeymooning couple in front of me who made out 98% of the flight... Kids these days :P

So the flight was suuuuper good, I listened to my audio books (Dresden files #5 and Fallout: Equestria) the whole way, and we were there before I knew it. I get to my terminal, talk to mom to tell her I'm okay and give Toby an elder sorcery hug.

Then, I sit and wait for my next flight. When the time comes, I notice I don't have a boarding pass, as when I should've gotten it at SFO, it never came...I hope it isn't a big deal, and step forward.

It is. After talking with the lady, I'm running around the Honolulu airport frantically looking for the check in desk, and not finding it. So, after calling dad in a panic, he convinces me to just go for it, and so I show my ID, I get angry looks, but I eventually get on the plane.

Not as good a ride, but it's only 50 minutes.

End of that flight, however was the worst. Somebody didn't notice my head was there, ad opened up one of the storage compartments right into it, breaking the "play" button on my headphones, not to mention smacking me in the head... She apologized, but now I'm down headphones...

So I was understandably bummed out. I collect my bag, and shamble off to the pick up, where I remember that I never gave Michael (the man coming to pick me up) my number, or what I look like. So I freak out, but only for a few minutes, as when a car drives up, it's driver gets out and says this: You look JUST like your dad!

It's him, and everything is good. He has along his girlfriend, and no sooner had they picked me up, than they told me we were going snorkeling. This is new to me, as I had just gotten off of travel mode, and to add to it I've never snorkeled before.

We get there, and I get the lesson, and very quickly learn the first rule of snorkeling.

YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SNORKELING.

In all seriousness though, the thing to watch out for is the coral, as if you touch it, it dies...

So there I am, looking in the water, trying hard to breathe, and all i can see is this: blur, blur, mouthful of water, blur blur...

Then Michael tells me how to clean my mask, and POW!! all of a sudden, so many fish!! Right there in the water!!

Warm water, mind you, the best kind.

So anyways there I am swimming with the fishes, and a turtle, and more fishes, and HOLY COW so many colors of fish!!

I trust you sense a theme here?

We get out after about 30 minutes, so I won't burn, and then make the trek back to Polestar.

About 40 minutes later, here we are.

And it's paradise. It is so beautiful, and warm, and there are cats and solar panels and REALLY TALL grass...

The cats are named Sita and Kitty Cat, and I am friends with both of them.

I think.

So, I was led to the tent that'll server as Casa Hare-day, and got settled in.

And now I'm sitting here, writing this.

Holy crap, what a day.

Until next time...

Aloha...